Diner is a truly unique film and one I want my children to see because it is one of the few Hollywood films that portrays men and masculinity in an open and honest way. It shows male abject frailty, as well as, heartfelt nobility. Here are my take aways from Diner.
The title of the film is the main setting of the film and crystallizes the themes of the play. Without giving too much of the plot away, it is about a group of 20 something males that come together at the local diner and talk about the trials and tribulations of their emerging roles, careers, and responsibilities.
Everything you wanted to know about men but were afraid to ask. (Note: these are generalizations and not meant to define all men, every man.)
1. Sports are more than sports. Men watch sports, they play sports, they talk about sports, a lot! The character, Eddie Simmons, played craftily by Steve Guttenberg, makes his "wife to be" comically take a Baltimore Colts Quiz in order to assure her fitness to be married to him. An extreme example to be sure, but it does tap into the zaniness that men resort to when it comes to their favorite team. And yet, many a man watching this scene would nod with approval and think it not such a bad idea, knowing that it would not be wise in today's modern world. In truth, men like watching sport not only for the competition, the glory of victory, but the human drama that gets played out within the competition. The values of leadership, sportsmanship, courage, strategy, all within a framework of a few hours. They are our Soap Operas.
2. Music is our advocate. In a scene between the only married member of the "Diner" Gang, Shrevie, played by Daniel Stern and his wife, Beth (Ellen Barkin), this principle is displayed quite powerfully. Shrevie becomes enraged because Beth has listened to his album collection (Back in the olden days having to listen to "Albums" Plastic CD technology) and put back his albums in the wrong order. Now let me be clear, Shrevie is totally overreacting and really being downright cruel to Beth in this scene. But if you wait until the end of the scene you realize the powerful Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus moment. Beth just likes the music, but for Shrevie it has a far deeper connection. This scene of course exposes more than that, including the cracks to their relationship that need repairing. But for most men who watch this scene they totally understand Shrevie's closing statement. It rings so true. Most men attach deeply to music. It is our advocate for our feelings that we so often are trained or are embedded. to try to suppress.
3. Young men are sinners and old men are saints.
This may not be politically correct, but I believe it to be true. Again, we are talking about in general, and there are exceptions to the rule. However, lets be honest and and scientific. Testosterone produces aggression in males. Testosterone is highest in males when they are in their late teens to twenties. I know, aggression is often seen as a negative, but aggression that is paired with discipline can produce tremendous positives. For example, the Military relies on male aggression for optimum results. And thank God for that. The military branches of course realize that male aggression also needs maximum discipline to become fully effective and productive. Many sports teams use this same formula to channel male aggression in positive ways. Of course male aggression without discipline has the opposite effect. This sort of aggression is often related to intimidation, bullying, and acts of cruelty and violence. Lastly, when males drink alcohol and/ or take other drugs, their self discipline is often removed, while the aggression remains. To my daughters I have often said, men and alcohol is a dangerous combination. (avoid those situations at all cost) I've noticed far too many acts of brutal aggression and cruelty when males are under the influence of alcohol. *Its why the most vocal advocates of Prohibition were the Temperance Society Women who had to deal with the consequences of drunken husbands. We have all heard or witnessed the cruelty of women at the hands of drunken men, and quite honestly why college campus's must deal with horrible incidents of sexual abuse and misconduct. Enough said.
And so as men grow older, and less influenced by the powerful effects of testosterone, they become wiser, and try to use their knowledge to temper and mentor young males. Getting back to Diner, there is a group of older males in the Diner that also sit and talk about their lives, trials, and tribulations. By the end of the movie they play an important part to make for a happy ending.
To summarize: this movie is a gem. Unlike many movies that try to encapsulate youthful males in mostly derogatory stereotypes, (i.e. Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and American Pie, to name a few) Diner produces a much more nuanced, and authentic look into male bonding, male strength, and male weakness. The scenes in the Diner provide a unique glimpse into male bonding that is carried out by some fantastic acting by the entire cast. (for a sample, watch: The Sandwich Scene)
This is a beautiful film.
For great reading about boys to men, I would highly recommend Michael Gurian's, "The Wonder of Boys."
1. Sports are more than sports. Men watch sports, they play sports, they talk about sports, a lot! The character, Eddie Simmons, played craftily by Steve Guttenberg, makes his "wife to be" comically take a Baltimore Colts Quiz in order to assure her fitness to be married to him. An extreme example to be sure, but it does tap into the zaniness that men resort to when it comes to their favorite team. And yet, many a man watching this scene would nod with approval and think it not such a bad idea, knowing that it would not be wise in today's modern world. In truth, men like watching sport not only for the competition, the glory of victory, but the human drama that gets played out within the competition. The values of leadership, sportsmanship, courage, strategy, all within a framework of a few hours. They are our Soap Operas.
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| A still from Eddie's Wedding, notice the table cloth and flowers are Baltimore Colts colors |
3. Young men are sinners and old men are saints.
This may not be politically correct, but I believe it to be true. Again, we are talking about in general, and there are exceptions to the rule. However, lets be honest and and scientific. Testosterone produces aggression in males. Testosterone is highest in males when they are in their late teens to twenties. I know, aggression is often seen as a negative, but aggression that is paired with discipline can produce tremendous positives. For example, the Military relies on male aggression for optimum results. And thank God for that. The military branches of course realize that male aggression also needs maximum discipline to become fully effective and productive. Many sports teams use this same formula to channel male aggression in positive ways. Of course male aggression without discipline has the opposite effect. This sort of aggression is often related to intimidation, bullying, and acts of cruelty and violence. Lastly, when males drink alcohol and/ or take other drugs, their self discipline is often removed, while the aggression remains. To my daughters I have often said, men and alcohol is a dangerous combination. (avoid those situations at all cost) I've noticed far too many acts of brutal aggression and cruelty when males are under the influence of alcohol. *Its why the most vocal advocates of Prohibition were the Temperance Society Women who had to deal with the consequences of drunken husbands. We have all heard or witnessed the cruelty of women at the hands of drunken men, and quite honestly why college campus's must deal with horrible incidents of sexual abuse and misconduct. Enough said.
And so as men grow older, and less influenced by the powerful effects of testosterone, they become wiser, and try to use their knowledge to temper and mentor young males. Getting back to Diner, there is a group of older males in the Diner that also sit and talk about their lives, trials, and tribulations. By the end of the movie they play an important part to make for a happy ending.
To summarize: this movie is a gem. Unlike many movies that try to encapsulate youthful males in mostly derogatory stereotypes, (i.e. Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and American Pie, to name a few) Diner produces a much more nuanced, and authentic look into male bonding, male strength, and male weakness. The scenes in the Diner provide a unique glimpse into male bonding that is carried out by some fantastic acting by the entire cast. (for a sample, watch: The Sandwich Scene)
This is a beautiful film.
For great reading about boys to men, I would highly recommend Michael Gurian's, "The Wonder of Boys."
