Diner- Everything You Wanted to Know about Men but Were Afraid to Ask

Director Barry Levinson's body of work is extensive and impressive.  Although I have to admit I have lost track of his recent work, two of his movies will go down in the "must see" category.  Namely, Rain Man and Diner.

Diner is a truly unique film and one I want my children to see because it is one of the few Hollywood films that portrays men and masculinity in an open and honest way.  It shows male abject frailty, as well as, heartfelt nobility. Here are my take aways from Diner.

The title of the film is the main setting of the film and crystallizes the themes of the play.  Without giving too much of the plot away, it is about a group of 20 something males that come together at the local diner and talk about the trials and tribulations of their emerging roles, careers, and responsibilities.

Everything you wanted to know about men but were afraid to ask.  (Note:  these are generalizations and not meant to define all men, every man.)

1.  Sports are more than sports.  Men watch sports, they play sports, they talk about sports, a lot!  The character, Eddie Simmons, played craftily by Steve Guttenberg, makes his "wife to be" comically take a Baltimore Colts Quiz in order to assure her fitness to be married to him.  An extreme example to be sure, but it does tap into the zaniness that men resort to when it comes to their favorite team.  And yet, many a man watching this scene would nod with approval and think it not such a bad idea, knowing that it would not be wise in today's modern world.  In truth, men like watching sport not only for the competition, the glory of victory, but the human drama that gets played out within the competition.  The values of leadership, sportsmanship, courage, strategy, all within a framework of a few hours.  They are our Soap Operas.

A still from Eddie's Wedding, notice the table cloth and flowers are Baltimore Colts colors

2.  Music is our advocate.  In a scene between the only married member of the "Diner" Gang,  Shrevie, played by Daniel Stern and his wife, Beth (Ellen Barkin), this principle is displayed quite powerfully.  Shrevie becomes enraged because Beth has listened to his album collection (Back in the olden days having to listen to "Albums" Plastic CD technology) and put back his albums in the wrong order.  Now let me be clear, Shrevie is totally overreacting and really being downright cruel to Beth in this scene.  But if you wait until the end of the scene you realize the powerful Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus   moment.  Beth just likes the music, but for Shrevie it has a far deeper connection.  This scene of course exposes more than that, including the cracks to their relationship that need repairing.  But for most men who watch this scene they totally understand Shrevie's closing statement.  It rings so true.  Most men attach deeply to music.  It is our advocate for our feelings that we so often are trained or are embedded. to try to suppress.

3.  Young men are sinners and old men are saints.
This may not be politically correct, but I believe it to be true.  Again, we are talking about in general, and there are exceptions to the rule.  However, lets be honest and and scientific.  Testosterone produces aggression in males.  Testosterone is highest in males when they are in their late teens to twenties.  I know, aggression is often seen as a negative, but aggression that is paired with discipline can produce tremendous positives.  For example, the Military relies on male aggression for optimum results.  And thank God for that.  The military branches of course realize that male aggression also needs maximum discipline to become fully effective and productive.  Many sports teams use this same formula to channel male aggression in positive ways.  Of course male aggression without discipline has the opposite effect.  This sort of aggression is often related to intimidation, bullying, and acts of cruelty and violence.  Lastly, when males drink alcohol and/ or take other drugs, their self discipline is often removed, while the aggression remains.  To my daughters I have often said, men and alcohol is a dangerous combination.  (avoid those situations at all cost)  I've noticed far too many acts of brutal aggression and cruelty when males are under the influence of alcohol.  *Its why the most vocal advocates of Prohibition were the Temperance Society Women who had to deal with the consequences of drunken husbands.  We have all heard or witnessed the cruelty of women at the hands of drunken men, and quite honestly why college campus's must deal with horrible incidents of sexual abuse and misconduct.  Enough said.

And so as men grow older, and less influenced by the powerful effects of testosterone, they become wiser, and try to use their knowledge to temper and mentor young males.  Getting back to Diner, there is a group of older males in the Diner that also sit and talk about their lives, trials, and tribulations.  By the end of the movie they play an important part to make for a happy ending.

To summarize: this movie is a gem.  Unlike many movies that try to encapsulate youthful males in mostly derogatory stereotypes, (i.e. Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and American Pie, to name a few) Diner produces a much more nuanced, and authentic look into male bonding, male strength, and male weakness.   The scenes in the Diner provide a unique glimpse into male bonding that is carried out by some fantastic acting by the entire cast.  (for a sample, watch:  The Sandwich Scene)

This is a beautiful film.

For great reading about boys to men, I would highly recommend Michael Gurian's, "The Wonder of Boys."

Rocky- The First One

Youtube clip above is the scene and music, "Philadelphia Morning" highlights the painful first steps towards a daunting challenge.

Official Movie site:  http://www.mgm.com/view/movie/1666/Rocky/flash.html

I want my children to see this movie for a variety of lessons and themes.  Set in, and released in 1976, when I was 10 years old, this movie about a seemingly washed up boxer, who gets a shot at the Heavyweight Title, was the first time a movie inspired me and left me wanting to take on the world.  But the themes and lessons abound.  Here is my list.

1.  Theme music in movies is integral!  The music in this movie is masterful.  Bill Conti's music throughout brings the emotional tone to every scene.  Heavy brass music is a rarity in film but this movie highlights it well.  The mournful French Horn in Philadelphia Morning, captures the opening steps in Rocky's transformation from "bum" to champion level fighter.  It also perfectly fits the early morning streets of Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love.  Of course, Gonna Fly Now, is possibly the most recognizable inspirational movie music ever.  Compared with Philadelphia Morning, it captures the metamorphosis of Rocky's resurgence.

2.  Less is More:  I honestly don't think this movie could have been made in today's highly competitive and scripted and stylized Hollywood landscape.  Rocky 3 and 4 demonstrate clearly what happens when you over-do a movie.  These later movies are tragedies that were made for all the wrong reasons.  Namely, money and additional fame for Sylvester Stallone.  But I digress.  What made Rocky beautiful was its simplicity.  The themes of love, friendship, redemption, loyalty, even arrogance and vanity, were not overdone, but carefully culled and completely authentic.  The casting was superb because it was subtle and completely believable.  Even Talia Shire, whose stunning beauty was so well masked by horn rimmed glasses, knit cap, and house coat, brings the shy, introverted pet store worker to life with amazing clarity.  Her powerful breakaway scene where she pounds her fists on her brother Pauly's chest captures her awakening and freedom from his paternalistic dominance.  Most subtle, was Sylvester Stallone's slow simple speech pattern that was so believable, that when you see interview's with Stallone you are confused that he is speaking in more fluent tones.  Carl Weathers, couldn't been more perfect as the boastful, yet surprising lovable antagonist.  In a way he represents well the American sense of pride of that particular time period.  (See more about Weather's performance below)

3.  Vanity is filled with weaknesses and blind-spots.  This lesson comes into play in the Shawshank Redemption as well, but Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) represents weakness from arrogance.   So consumed has his character become in creating an entertainment show, he becomes blind to the opponent he faces.  Apollo's manager in the film utters the classic line, "He doesn't know its a damn show, he thinks its a damn fight" (about Rocky)

4.  Talent is often overlooked and sadly often never realized.  I never really caught on to this aspect of the film as a young boy.  I thought the overall message was that if you just worked out really hard, you could be a great boxer.  (Naive, I know)  But in truth, not everyone possesses the talents to be a great boxer.  Very few make it to a level of professional.  The key element is Rocky had talent, as Mickey, played by Burgess Meredith, reminds him.-  "You had talent, but you fight like a god*** ape!"  We can surmise from the story that Rocky would have continued a lowly existence of a part time fighter, part time Mob ruffian were it not for the chance he was given.  Too many people flounder through life like Rocky, not putting the talents you have to maximum potential.  Perhaps Thoreau said it better,  "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation."
5.  America in 1976-  This movie unabashedly gives you a glimpse of America in 1976 and our Bi-centennial.  I remember it well as a boy, and I didn't realize the how much it blended with the story until I watched it years later.  Apollo's insistence of choosing Rocky for no other reason that the name, "The Italian Stallion"  because it was an Italian that discovered America.  (Columbus) I know, I know, that is not politically correct anymore.
6.  Once you recognize your talents, it takes hard work and collaborating with others to develop and hone them.  This obviously corresponds with number 4, but its important in and of itself.  Recognizing your talents is only half the battle.  You must learn to turn your talents into a productive source of fulfillment for your success.  Hard work is one aspect of it, but knowledge is the other.  This lesson is beautifully outlined in the apartment scene with Rocky and Mickey.  Mickey tells Rocky about his knowledge that he wants to give to Rocky.  Rocky is of course offended since Mickey was harsh on him at the gym and gave his locker to another fighter.  This is an intense scene and often difficult to watch more than once because the acting is brilliant and heart wrenching.  Yet, this is an integral pairing, Rocky's talent and Mickey's experience based knowledge.    Talent takes you so far.  Seek out others that can help you with their experience, and be grateful to them.

7.  You need to surround yourself with some people that will be honest with you about your failings.  Again this one comes back to Mickey and Rocky's relationship.  I would argue that it is the dynamic between Mickey and Adrian that is key.  Adrian builds up Rocky emotionally and Mickey builds him up physically.  It is a key dynamic.  But the important part is that many of us have the supportive people in our life and that is wonderful, yet we often need truth tellers as well.  Those people that will call a spade a spade.  It is not always easy to hear, but honest feedback is essential towards earning any real achievement.

8.  Setting is powerful.  After re-watching Rocky some 40 years later, it finally hit me that a key component of the movie was Director John Alvidson's magnificence at making the city of Philadelphia a "character" in the film.  Each scene brings visual intricacies that capture the eye, but more than that enhance the character and plot development.  I will never forget the opening scene with the Christ mural as the opening visual.  Philadelphia represents so much of America, its history, and spirit, that is clearly defined in this picture.